Your time ahead will eventually be Worthy

When we buy a new gadget or upgrade to the next version, all we want to do is simplify the existing process. For instance, you upgrade from ordinary mobile phones to hand held PDA’s to simplify your work life. Advancement in any front is only to better the existing condition. But have you noticed how we have advanced from age 1 to where we are now but have not bettered our condition? In fact worsened it? I wonder how this could alone be contradicting with the Law of Nature!  From Standard 1 to Standard 10, we got better at Science; From PC’s to Laptops, we got better at computers; From some small village to a metropolitan, we bettered our life style; But from Birth to this point!!! God damn it, we have screwed up the whole system!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe analysing things from the smallest and commonest details possible to find solutions for a complex problem. So let me take a simple instance (rather silly (for now)), and try to extrapolate to find a solution for this contradiction.

I remember using Windows 98 in my class 6. That is when I actually knew what an OS was. When computer itself was a big fantasy back then, not so lucrative GUI and response time delays did not seem a factor at all. I was awe struck when I could type ABCD, draw circles, watch videos, listen to music and do all this exactly where I was sitting and in exactly one small box right in front of me!!! It was awesome! But sooner complaints started pouring in, all the other schools had something called Windows 2000 but we are still with the same old system. People who were earlier mesmerized by what this ’98 did were suddenly gobbing at it. Even I felt my school was way beyond in technology. As days went by, there was a sudden buzz around the school of OS being upgraded to Windows 2000. I feared my practical exams, as I have prepared well in the existing OS and the new one could prove a nightmare for me. A friend of mine who just joined me at class 10 did not seem to be too disturbed by this switch over. When I asked him he said, “I am going to see a computer for the first time in my life, so it does not make a big difference”. Gosh, the fact that I was exposed to computers is going to kill me!! And the fact that he was not is going to save him! It was very paradoxical. When I sat for my first practical hour in front of the Windows 2000, as the system was booting my heart was thumping as if the screen is going to throw a monster at me. To my surprise, it was same old login box, same old start button and the screens kept popping up which were so much familiar to me. Not to mention, yes it was a bit more colourful and I was able to handle things easier than I used to (Back then, did not understand that it was the improved user friendliness that let me do it). Just then the thought of this friend of mine sprouted out, I turned back and saw him being tutored by my teacher as to how things had to be done.

Might look a silly story, but let’s take the insights from it and see if it is still silly. Foremost, when we get to a higher position in life, if we had mastered our previous situations and have got ready for the advancement, we would not feel the transition so painful. When we are not ready to carry ourselves, if we marry and accept to carry another soul, then it is real problems. Next, appreciate what you have rather than mourning over it. All that is happening at the present is only for my good and I am learning each second through what I am doing. It is not always the big things that are important, smaller details might not weigh more, but matter most. Then, do not fear anything out of your premonitions. 99% of the time what you fear is the surest thing not to happen. For that 1% probability we lose 100% of ourselves and fail to enjoy the time in-between. Saying this, I recall this quote “Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and if does not happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.”

Before vying for any new improvements let us learn to enjoy the present and live it with an attitude of learning as much as we can. If the improvement we expect is not happening, it means we are not prepared, as much as we should we have, to accommodate the new level. Yes, we all want to become Managers as soon as possible and struggling for it, we are not living the grade we are at now; we are chasing it to reach there. When you become a manager, you will chase it for becoming the General Manager. Never can you live like that, but end up only wasting it on wanting to live, just as we chased our school life to get into a college as soon as possible. Touch your heart and see how much it longs for those dead and buried school days. We can never get back even a day of it; same applies to your day today. And when the improvement is finally happening, let us be confident enough to handle it, only the enjoyment of our previous experiences will give us that. Your time right now is worth living and so your time ahead will eventually be worthy.

And the most important lesson – No story is silly ;-) There is a lot to analyse, learn, retrospect and communicate; no matter what.

A Death that made me Smile

December 20^th, 11 p.m., a 99 year old heart stopped pumping blood at my home. My grandfather had expired. I was hearing BSB’s “Show me the meaning” and travelling to join my new work at Chennai, it was so pleasant outside, and then came my dad’s phone call which conveyed the news to me. I had a feeling of relief deep inside my heart and I smiled almost instantaneously on hearing his demise. Such was the stature of this man, whose death I was so eagerly expecting.

First let me see if you can believe this, at age 90, a man carrying two big bags of calendar rolls, walking at least 5 kilometres a day up and down the hill, meeting a minimum of 3 clients and procuring orders for printing calendars in their company name. Sounds astonishing? “No” is not even an option for this question. The most important fact here is that, with this business he can only make around a few thousands per year. He was not without money or anybody to take care of him; he had 4 children all in good standing in the society. Only one factor kept him going, the thirst to live with self-esteem and work until his body allowed him to. Yes, I am speaking of my grandfather, T.N. Rajagopal Pillai, whose life should be reflected upon to unveil the reason behind my happiness for his death.\

Like you would expect of a man born in the 1910’s, he was a patriot and a freedom fighter. But as you would not expect, he turned down the house and honorary award called ‘Thamarapattayam’ which was given for all freedom fighters of his age. His logic was simple, he said, ‘I did not sacrifice myself expecting any returns’. Mind you, he was not from a rich family background or had any wealth of his own after 30 years of life. Being a cruel follower of Gandhiji and Ahimsa, he extended these principles into his life apart from just the freedom struggle. Even on his death bed he was wearing kadhar dhoti and shirt, such was his dedication.

In the 1940’s, he was the sole supplier of gramophones and records for the entire Nilgiris district. Business was great and money was plentiful. But back at home, I remember my mom saying she was made to sleep with a wet cloth tied around her tummy in order to mitigate hunger. My grandpa would not bring a penny back, all his revenues went straight from the cash box to the ‘Hundiyal’ that was placed outside his shop for collecting freedom fighting fund. My mom would be so angry when she tells this, but still I saw a sense of pride in her eyes for making even her, a contributor, for a patriotic reason.

He was staying with us at our home after he lost his wife. Since then, until a few weeks back, he would do all his work himself. We had no problems from him, except for small advices when I and my brother used to play with our parents hitting them and running around. A slip in the bathroom cost his ribcage bone and made him bed ridden. And the rest of the story is a real mess. He could not even get up without our help, he had to be fed, cleaned and his excretions were to be disposed from the bed itself. To make matters worse, he threw himself from the cot and had his head injured. A blood clot in the brain took a toll on his memory making him lose and gain consciousness in quick successions. It also led to a one sided paralytic attack, which made him stutter and stammer rubbish details with no connections whatsoever. When he knew not what he was speaking all he spoke was about India, Gandhiji, Nehruji, His mom and his failure in personal life (meaning not looking after the family and not saving enough for his children)

I have not seen him live his life, all I noted above were only my mother’s knowledge about him that she told me. But from the time he was bed ridden until he got rid of his bed, I was with him and his deeds in times of involuntary being, made me live his life of 99 years in one single shot. All that we have deposited within us is what will be expelled when we are in such a state. You do not control your words, actions or deeds. He was 1000 steps more in all aspects than my mom has told about him before. He continuously kept weeping whenever the thought of his mom sprouted, tears were flowing whenever the thought of the nation came in and he had nothing else to speak other than this. I saw a true soul end his tenure on earth little by little. Nothing could have taught me so much. I mean the medium of instruction (his slow death), content (his entire life) and method of teaching (unconscious involuntary truth) were so invaluable and incomparable with any other mode of learning.

His last days were pure pain. Deprived of any movement, his mouth clasped close in, not allowing us to feed in food. He was not able to communicate his hunger or pain, except for few drops of tear every now and then. Standing by his side and watching him die of hunger will melt any hard heart down to the earth. Due to lack of movements, he got bed soars at his back which was bleeding constantly. Watching all these itself was unbearable pain, then how would it be bearing it? Does a 99 year old man who has sacrificed himself for the country and lived a righteous life deserve this? Will God be seeing all this and enjoying his pain? I really do not know the mystical reason behind this suffering. All that he did wrong was to maintain a healthy body that refused to give up life even under such enormous sufferings. If it were to be a weaker body, it would have dead and buried long before.\

The last week before his death, all I did was to pray for him to be taken away. Let his senses not sense the pain and his body not take this toil. It was with half heart that I started from home to join work, but within a few hours in bus, it was news of great relief, my grandfather’s death. That smile I mentioned I had was not for losing him but for he losing his pain. And God, if you are reading this, he deserved better, I won’t excuse you for the manner in which you took him away. If I ever have a chance, you will have it from me.

P.S: I just thought of sitting down, closing my eyes and let my fingers run on the keyboard. I wanted to register something about this man; I do not know if this post was informative, inspirational or even of any absolute purpose. But I wanted to write and I have. Whatever has come is all that I know. A tribute to the great man I have ever got to know personally.

Come, walk my walk and give a broad smile

I slammed the doors of my house so hard that my fingers felt the pain through the vibration of the slam. I was fuming with anger. How can my mom ask me that question? It was by mistake I broke that glass antique piece. Yes, it is something that she adorned.  But how can she ask me, “Are you out of your minds to do that?”. That was unfair, I got totally upset, shouted at her like hell and just rushed out of my home. My anger shot up to all possible extremes; I gave a punch to that door, that silly door which hurt my fingers. Scientifically, it is going to increase my pain a little more, psychologically, I was happy to have punished my opponent for the moment.

Although the actual issue was only that she shouted at me, all the other problems that were quietly sleeping inside me suddenly woke up. They got magnified and were appearing bigger than me. My mind was complaining to my heart, what the **** this life is to me. So many thoughts in my mind that I was unable to sort out what the biggest problem was.

As I was walking down the lane, my eyes flashed against an impossible human. When I say Impossible, I mean Impossible. He did not have two hands and if you think that is worse enough, think again, he had no legs either. He was still moving with the help of his left-over pieces of limbs. Why I termed him as an impossible human is not because of his physical limitations. He was smiling; a deep round smile that really was transmitting happiness all around. I myself lost all the folds in my face that I had due to my grief and had a heartfelt smile without my knowledge. That sharp was his radiance.

  I usually do not talk to strangers, but this is not the time to live up to my definitions. I just had to ask this person my question. I walked straight at him, knelt before him on the road and asked “Just tell me how you manage to smile?”. I did not think about any manners or a pre-talk before asking such a sensitive question or anything. I wanted an answer, that’s it. He never looked puzzled, guess he has been asked this several times before. When I was expecting an answer, he shot another one at me, “Can I know why you are asking me that question?”. I said, “You have no arms, no legs, you are a lot limited in your movements, you know you cannot do what others around you are doing, then how? How do you manage to have that smiling face?”. He answered me and kept on moving, he never looked back. He said, “I don’t think my legs or hands is what shows my smile, you got to have a pair of lip. I have my lips with me; I smile, as simple as that”.

It was like someone gave me a hard blow on my spine. I also just kept walking, never turned back. I had no confidence left over to look at him again. He never complained on what he did not have, he was doing what he could, with what he had. How many of us complain over silly things, feed them, make them grow ourselves and then say, the problems got bigger!!! He taught me to stop complaining and enjoy what I had. All the pain inside me suddenly eased out. I headed straight to my home, gave my mom a broad smile and said a word, “Sorry”. She hugged me tight and kissed my forehead. It was heaven! A walk that gave me a new dimension, I wanted to share it, so that you could walk my walk and give a broad smile J

Play while you Work, Play while you Play

Any word has no importance or intensity by itself. It is with the meaning attached to it does it gain any importance or vice versa. If “Ugly” was defined as something that captivates out thoughts and makes us feel happy from inside, we would be behind our girls flattering them as “My chubby ugly darling” and “You are amazingly ugly honey” and so on. So it is always the perception that matters and never the fact. You can prove anything by laws of Physics and Mathematics but if someone says its right from the heart, it is done, no logic, no proof is required. It is as it is. This matter of perception has a great relevance to how you can look at your professional and personal life as one.

Many of us are new to work and have just got our professional lives going. Yes, it is tiring, too problematic, very monotonous and highly demanding (for most of us at least). The real problem with anything starts when you start looking at different things as individually different items. What I mean here is that, even if you do various activities, unanimity in purpose should be binding them all together. Though the activities you do might differ, the result you wish to achieve should be the same.

When you play a game what is your motto? For some it might be winning, for others it might be enjoying the game for the pure pleasure it offers and some would just like to relax themselves into it. Whatever be the idea, we would like the game to be interesting such that it pulls us towards itself making us forget everything else. It is that kind of expectation you should be attaching with your work too. Why think of work as work then? Take it as a game, a game played with sharp brains and cool tactics. You will enjoy each move you make, start admiring each level you get through and be satisfied when you lift the trophy finally.

Do not think of work as something that has been enforced on you. Any work that you are doing at present is only going to end up sharpening your skills (Directly or indirectly) and leading you to the destiny that you are capable of. Mourning over your current position will only slow this process. You will get late buddy. I reserve all rights to offer this advice as I think I have applied the brakes myself. People with experience have the right to share ;-)

Here chips in the watch line for you. Play while you Work and Play while you Play. Attach the meaning of the word work to the word Play and you get yourself a whole new dimension to doing things. Perceive your work as it is your most favorite game. Come, pick up your gadgets, get into the field and Let the games begin!!!

(Not Belated) Happy Children’s day !!!!

              I might look foolish to wish a Happy Children’s day today, that too not belated. I will get back to my topic later, moving on to the subject now. I just posted a wish on Facebook day before and it went like this – “Happy children's day friends! For all those who have not yet murdered that beautiful child inside them! ;-)” and I was surprised with the comments that kept pouring in. Usually my friends do not have the habit of responding to a post, but this time they did with much concern. Unanimously what they all said was that I was too sarcastic in my tone. Yeah, they might have been right.

                Many wish to behave matured but if you ask them what they want to be inside, they would definitely prefer childishness. Such is the quality of a child which all saints try to adopt till their death so that they live a righteous life. If I am to examine closer as to what is that one single aspect that makes a child so adorable, it is the child’s admittance. If you have noticed a baby, when she cries out of hunger, and her mother would have stuffed a rubber nipple in her mouth. That baby would stop its tears almost magically. Have you ever thought how that tear has come to a standstill without the reason being addressed, that is the baby’s hunger is not over yet but she is still happy. That baby has allowed herself to be fooled. She knows there is no milk flowing out of the rubber nipple but it is that mother’s attention on her that she admits herself into that foolish state and smiles out of happiness.

                A child’s admittance is her specialty. So wishing a Children’s day is wishing admittance. It applies for all humans be they small or big. Usually a child inherits from her parents but there is something bigger we all got to inherit from that child. I accept we cannot let ourselves be fooled around, but here is the trick, be happy to get fooled knowledgeably. When you know someone is not doing what they are saying that they are doing, but they mean it, then accept it that they are doing it. You will be happy, they will be happy, this world will be happy.

Justifying my topic, it took me 2 days to ponder over November 14^th and understand the essence of a children’s day. I cannot wait another year to share this, worthy news deserves immediate attention. I decided to give it the attention today, though it’s late. Better late than never!!! You can accept my wish in the same spirit. And admittance is not a one day affair, it needs lot of practice and a lot more days, So (Not Belated) Happy Children’s Day.

And friends, If I am still sarcastic, Yes I am and I am proud to be J

Am I Independent or In Dependence?

          As the daylight was pulling out, the solitude of darkness was drawing upon me. Climate was a bit gloomy but there was a hidden liveliness which went well with my sip of hot tea.  Just as the natural light wore out, power went off!!!! My mobile had no charge and was about to switch off and all the biggest problems of my life were rushing into my thought. It was not the darkness that was creeping into me, but some other uneasiness. As I questioned myself repeatedly, I found the answer for that creepiness, It was not the fear of dark or any ghost that was living with me, it was my dependence that was killing me from inside. The dependence on that small piece of electronic device, that was the black sheep.. Maaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

          Imagine a day without our most beloved gadgets around us. We would go crazy, we would break mad and we would be running around like a lunatic. Independence is so much spoken of. Not only what we managed to get from the British, the independence from our parents, financial independence, decision making independence, everything included. If we are truly independent why should we be that dependent on some electrons flowing through a wire?

          When I examined myself closely, I found that I was not able to appreciate what was there, rather was exceedingly in need of something that was not there for the moment. I had organized my routine so carefully around a lot of other things over which I had no control whatsoever. All would accept this, out of all what is ours, the most difficult to control is our heart and mind and out of all that is not ours, the easiest to do is ask someone else’s heart to beat the way we want it to and minds to think the way we order to.

          Before pointing at someone else, let’s look within us and see how we can shape up to mould to any situation. The day we start feeling happy about our own self and start enjoying the company of the soul mate inside us is when we are going to be truly independent else we are just in dependence. It is the dependence on me alone that could make me independent from all that is not me.

A Paradox called Sacrifice

            It has remained a truth for many years now and will continue to be so for many more years to come, Love is a multiple of sacrifices. When we speak of sacrifices in love, they are usually big, it means growing out of beloved parents for the sake of him or her, giving up a lucrative job, forgetting what we once liked the most and it counts on and on. Be it one is committed or not, many of us can easily identify with this, because love has been our forte one time or the other. Why go so far? I myself have sacrificed my career for my most mourned mistake – My first love.

               But the point I am projecting here is not about the divinity of love(as you all guessed it to be, as mine did not last J ) or the purity of sacrifices, it is about the paradox in those sacrifices. Take for an instance, you sacrifice your most favorite chilly chicken for her because she is a veggie, she is very impressed and feeds you, half baked potatoes and cauliflowers with her own hands. Who cares what garbage it is, they turn delicacies now, can KFC give you a better taste? Nahhh. In regular terms anyways, this is called a sacrifice, the guy is hailed for the act. A deep inspection unveils that this was an act of set off - the taste of chicken for the taste of her hands. I see no loss here, infact it is a double bonanza.

               Ultimately what we look for out of any sacrifice is a bigger return. Be it knowingly or unknowingly done, if a sacrifice does not end in a desired result, can we take it? We won’t, if it happens so, we will go to the other extreme to show how nasty we can be. I don’t mean to say sacrifices are not worth it or love does not exist through sacrifices.  Just that, rather than looking at the size of the act, it is the intensity of the act that has to be considered. Can we be indifferent to the results and yet look to sacrifice further? Have we done so anytime before? I have not, I am sure most of us have not, because it is practically impossible.

         The next time we feel proud for a sacrifice, let’s pause a moment to think what our take away is. We would definitely take back something through it, a bit of joy, peace or anything else. We definitely gain a lot in a sacrifice more than we could ever lose on it. It’s a paradox called sacrifice and a sacrifice simply never exists! And coming back to my own story, I gave up my career because I wanted a switch in field(or atleast I wanted her love more than I wanted my job), but I used her as an excuse, now I do not have any right to say that’s a sacrifice or mourn over it. Because I have gained a lot over it, a masters degree, loads of learning and a new dimension to life. Got me ;-)

Let's celebrate dudes

                  We are known for our logical, reasoning and thinking capabilities. Not only for the MNC’s that place us, we ourselves boast about our critical thinking abilities which often end up cornering the so called older generation for being narrow minded. Myself being a person filled with pride for possessing this quality, I am not here to complain about that fact. But it is time we take our aptitude solving abilities to the next level, to the level of practical applications of our dynamic young minds.


                    As we are all gearing up for this diwali, we might have grown out of our craze for crackers due to aging, but we have not started celebrating the festival for it’s true purpose yet. Many of us would have purchased dazzling new clothes and lot other articles to go with our new attire, we would have invited all friends and guests to walk over for having fun with us, we would have purchased a lot other things which were postponed due to some other reasons so far. A festival is a great excuse for fulfilling our wish list. But, have we, as the younger generation given a thought to why we should celebrate?


                   The History says, It is the victory of good over evil that is celebrated as diwali. The crackers we burst and the lights lit up, demonstrate the victory of light over dark. Be this story a myth or truth, a little exploration into this piece of history will tell us that our elders wanted us to be reminded atleast once in a year to kill all that is bad within us and spread the new found radiance to this beautiful world. All the great epics and legendary stories were penned just to illustrate to us in a language we can understand better and remember over the time and reproduce to good effect in actions that will benefit all. If we had put our thinking caps on before starting to look at calendar several months before for the diwali holidays, we would have looked into our hearts and started preparing for the big event of resurrecting ourselves.


                   There is still a lot more time to go, Nov 5^th is still far away, when diwali opens up this year, let it open up our hearts. Rather than creating light by bursting crackers, we shall light up our souls and lead us to enlightenment. Let us kill all that is dark and scary within us, let us spread the word of joy and true celebration. Let us join our hands together to welcome a brighter tomorrow. Afterall we are the smarter lot. Let us celebrate dudes. Happy Diwali!!!